Gotta Love the Babies...

Why these kids need supervision...

Pregnancy rants...

It's supposed to be a happy time in a woman's life: when she brings her first born into the world. At least... I thought so. I am happy... but I'm also deeply hurt, and really scared and incredibly ANNOYED at the people closest to me. I never really realized what poor choices I had made in choosing friends before. But... *shrugs* fuck it...
The father blocked my phone number cause he's not ready to be a father. He's in New York, still snorting coke and bar tending. Stacking up the thousand dollars he makes a week after the cocaine and weed taxes. Wasting money on eating out instead of cooking fresh food. He'll probably die at 45. (I don't mean to be evil but... it kinda comes with the scorned territory.)
My father is living his life somewhere. I'm over 18 so he's no longer obligated to help me out.
My mother's either slightly retarded, lazy in the brain, or just hard of hearing... but no matter what, she's no longer obligated either.
lol... "obligated"... fuck me. I thought parenting was for life. Lol... How do you just retire like, "oh well... she'll figure it out or she'll die." Are we in the wilderness though? ... no really? Are we...? I guess so... cause there sure is a whole lotta wild shit goin on in the world.
Like, I don't understand how you excrete fecal waste into your hand outside the club, WITH A DRESS ON, (and where are your panties) and throw it behind you like you're in the fucking chimpanzee exhibit at the Toronto Zoo. Then again, a study showed that those chimps who threw their feces were of higher brain function. They are the better communicators of the crew so maybe she's an english major, or communications major and someday she'll become a teacher. YAY! She'll be teaching our babies.
Anyway... I didn't know you could retire from parenting. Lol... That just never seemed like an option. I mean, all my friends parents are still parents unless they're dead or walking dead. (The walking dead in my world are junkies.)
I don't know that I could just retire. He's not even here yet and I love him like I can't describe.
I didn't even know that I could love someone I didn't even know so much. I don't even know why... but he's my favorite person in the whole world right now and I've only met him in my dreams. [Side note: he came to me in my sleep one night and told me to name him Seven... lol... no lie. I thought it was stupid too... until I looked up what it meant in the Bible.
I believe that what you allow people to call you, has a lot to do with who you are, and who you become. (For example: name of Kendu, which is a name my father chose for himself, gives you the desire for success and financial accumulation and the confidence and drive to go after your ambitions, regardless of obstacles. Thinking revolves around business and ways of making money... An extremely independent and self-sufficient person, dislikes taking orders or advice from anyone.... Believes in speaking directly and to the point, so you are candid and abrupt. Many friendships are lost because of your directness. Those in close association complain that you are not inclined to observe and return acts of kindness, compassion, or affection. Would be a firm parent and your children would be well-disciplined, but you would find it difficult to get close to them and to show compassion and affection... and blah blah blah... That's my father to a fucking T! ...jerk... lol.) I only want my son to have a name that empowers him when it's called. Something positive!
I already knew that in Numerology the number 7 is like the number of spirituality... in fact "The 7 is spiritual, but not religious. In fact, the age-old questions of what life is all about, why am we here, who am we, and so forth, never reach the status of clichés, but are essential to the 7's life-experience, and unless he finds the answers he will not stop looking for them until he dies." In the Bible, the number 7 is "completion"... and also I believe it represents the presence of God... so with all that... I figured, "Why not?" I would want by child searching for something real... rather than chasing money. Ultimately... he's gonna do what he chooses to do. I can only do my best to guide him in the right direction.]
Moving on...
This is supposed to be a happy time... yet, I'm discovering that my "real" friends were "fake" friends and they just like to see me down, the men I thought were great ain't much of nothing I can't find coming out of any dog's behind everywhere, and I never noticed any of this before because I was always too intoxicated to care. Too numb. Waking up hurts, boy.
I think it's time to cut the grass again. I have to remember that others don't love like I do. It's funny cause whenever other people are wrong, they immediately point out your faults. I've been called mean, and nasty so much in the last week that it's actually funny. While it CAN be true at times... it's never a big deal to me... cause the other 75 percent (maybe even 80) of the time, I'm doing way more than I should for people who WOULDN'T do it for me. SO I'm done. I have retired from caring for anyone but me and my son...
smh... I'm lying. I can't even control it. I'll still feed hungry friends on my last dollar. smh... and I'm not gonna change. I'm just gonna change my surroundings. I gotta start kickin' it where smart people hang out. Anyone know where that is???

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www.tuesdaysheart.com

FUCK THE SYSTEM!!!!!!!!!

I think it's terrible that I have insurance... but because MY insurance is not the primary they will only pay 20 percent of the costs for the physical therapy that I need so I can walk like I did before this accident.

My head hangs low today because I'm feeling low. One little accident can severely fuck up the rest of your life. However, one little signature can sell your soul but make your stay here on earth ridiculously care free and somewhat more enjoyable financially.

With that said, Nicki Minaj now makes sense to me. I still can't stand the sell out ratchet-ideal spreading broad... but I get her. SMH.


So what the fuck am I supposed to do?

I can't work til I can walk... I can't walk til I can pay to do so... but wait... I can't pay til I can work... why can't I work again? Oh... cause I haven't finished school yet, which I'm still currently enrolled in full-time... and I can't work any jobs other than the ones where you need to be quick on your feet. Oh shit... almost forgot I don't have the ability to be quick on my feet right now... why is that again? Cause I need physical therapy that I can't afford until I get a job... ha... does your head hurt?


Mine does.

BRIANA HERE!!!! NOT SPAM!

I'm asking all of my lovely followers to venture over to my new blog... SPAM FREE!!!!!

http://tuesdaysheart.blogspot.com/


I apologize for the crap my blog's been posting. I can't stop it. Come on over to my new "crib" lol... I got shit to share.

Hey guys!!!!! My Apologies about the spam...

I'm moving the blog to tuesdaysheart.blogspot.com it just makes more sense...


so... please follow me there & i promise to post more!!! I have some STOOOOOORRRRIIIIIEEESSSSS!!!!! omg... so much to tell u... but i need sleep... follow the new blog & i'll post soon.

Um...

Where's her father?

I need a green tea bath...

I've been fighting off some random sickness for like a week now... it's starting to making me angry... kinda like everything else after a while lol.
My eyes hurt. That's how serious it is... Like my actual eyeballs ache.Along with every other part of my body! SMH.

Anyhoo....

I'm just checkin in. Tell me something new... please...

Doin right ain't gettin me anywhere....

I really need to learn to pray better or something. Or maybe I need to learn patience...


I wonder if anyone who actually made something of their lives thought about dying early. The gay shit is... I can't do it. No matter how bad I want to, I just can't. However, I can see me robbing a bank at gunpoint and refusing to drop my weapon right about now.


I need food.


In thirteen seconds (figuratively... maeaning really soon if I don't get some kind of help/motivation/reassurance) I will definitely start selling pussy since talent ain't been getting me anywhere... and school just costs a lot more than I have right now. All I have is talent and twat. Talent, twat, and angry bitterness...


I really shoulda stole that can of chili from the store when I thought about it. It's been like 24 hours since I've eaten food. SMH.



This is Bullshit.

Trey Parker

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aaaahahahahaaaaaaaa.... fucking jokes!!!!

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