Random Thoughts Therapy

More Memories...

6/21/2009 01:56:00 AMBriana Latrise

I tell myself: Write about a girl who lies to herself. Who justifies her “fuck-up and fucked up” actions and re-actions with “Well? He/She did it.” Or, “Well? It’s been done to me.” The girl who fights herself more than she fights anything else. Things like , her addictive personality, and her actions that sabotage her own growth progress…

I want to write about this girl. But that means I would have to admit…

During some years of my adolescence, while I was locked away in my dungeon with no windows, I used to fantasize about my life in a parallel universe where I am soon-to-be a Queen. I am beautiful in all ways. I am happy.
I think the only thing I ever actually saw in this ”other” world was me... performing. I don’t ever recall there being an audience though. I just remember darkness all around the stage which was itself illuminated by pink lights. I remember always singing “Tragic Kingdom” by No Doubt. (On a few occasions I did a whole concert leading up to Tragic Kingdom… but only on the nights or days when I couldn’t sleep. Towards the end of my “Locked-in-my-cell, I-want-to-be-free, Let-me-live!” days (which came just before the “Too-much-freedom-, Someone-save-me, Oh-Jesus-please-help-me” days), I had obtained new material. I was doing mostly Incubus covers and collabos. And my stage had changed. Most of the stage and surrounding areas were just darkness… like I was deep sea. The show was more of a show now too, with me making my entrance swimming through the air like a mermaid. I had named myself Leisure5 a.k.a. Luna by this time and the only permanent song was now, “The Warmth” by Incubus… and Me.
It isn’t until now that I wonder where this all came from? What happened to the Lauryn Hill/Mary J. Blige days? What happened to the Tribe Called Quest? Was it The Spice Girls? Did they come in with their bubble gum and trip me up and then out? God knows. I think it was MTV in general. Must have been all those days I sat in the living room alone eating Kraft Single’s (I hate American cheese) slices and drinking extra, extra sweet Kool-Aid in Arizona at ages five, six, and seven. Did I mention I was alone. She was probably home but… so what. She was in her room. Door closed. She never wanted to be bothered. I can’t blame---

1. Fuck-up – behaviors due to ignorance; unintentionally out of pocket
2. Fucked up – you know you’re wrong, you just don’t care
3. Dungeon – the lonely place
4. Collabos – collaborations; working together to produce or create something
5. Leisure – use of free time for enjoyment
6. Luna – Moon in Spanish; Earth’s only natural satellite
7. She - The mother... I mean my mother.

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2 Haterismz & Comments here

  1. Brilliant...but best believe when you're in the dark, you're never there ALONE. Been there, done that. We more frequently fail to face the right problem than fail to solve the problem we face.


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