6/18/2009 12:09:00 PMBriana Latrise

Where do I begin to pick up the pieces of what's left of my life??? I'm only a baby but yet, I can see what a hot mess this is. How do I fix it? I drive around like I'm lost but really, I know I'm going nowhere. So when I reach the right destination for a little self destruction... I pour myself an adult beverage- most babies like to play like adults... I drink. Vodka, or Gin. Always straight. Never mix it... Might chase with a Red Bull if I get tired. No juice tho. That sweet crap is disgusting. I wake up and do something like a Corona (preferably with a lime) and on a good day... That's breakfast.

Right. My insides hurt. Seriously. There's these re-occuring sharp shooting pains in my lower back and abdomen... Sometimes my left side too. If I die at this age... Damn. It happens tho.

So, should I die know that I
Was at one time
Full of love and hope
With aspirations in mind
I don't know how it happened
But I fell off my bike
No one knew how to help
Since no one taught me to ride
So I just stopped giving a fuck

I have 0.00 in most of my accounts. And negative in some. There's like 65 cents in my car. I'm going to 711 to get a 211 when I find some more change.

I really don't know why I shared this with you. But then again... I don't know why I can't stop doing what I do.

Hung up on my mom the other day. She irritated the shit out of me. Just like old times. I was annoyed like: how are you a mother when it's convenient but then you get mad at me for not being around YOUR son??? Or, how can you tell me anything about me when everything you say is late as fuck. Why are you just now callin me about Charles?? GET THE FUCK OFF MY PHONE.

I feel something ugly in the air. I think its following me. Lol. Seriously. It's like this "you don't have much longer so just die" vibe. Such a sad story. I'm going to get tatted. This is bullshit.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

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3 Haterismz & Comments here

  1. I don't know you but your struggle is too familar. There for I have no position to tell you anything anyway...but to be safe and keep positive.

    I know....that "be positive" shit gets real fuckin old and rendard useless after hearing it so much. Just don't fall victim to what's causing you emotional or mental pain whatever it maybe cause only you can understand it.

    Speaking of those sharp pains, if you have had them for awhile look up alittle info on Fibromyalgia...or it could just be stress. But incase. Cause that shit will make u think your crazy when u don't know about it.(I have it)
    Peace and hold on.

  2. Post pics & inspiration behind tat please. I'd love to hear & see about this...

    As far as dealing w/ your mom - you're an adult now. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Most of us explain to our parents out of a sense of obligation, out of respect...or simply to get them off our backs. Hanging up is never a good choice - simply state I don't want to share this w/ you right now. I don't want to discuss this w/ you. I don't think it's any of your business. Etc. Whichever is appropriate.

    My relationship w/ my mom isn't the greatest due to my own hard-headed actions and BS...but I have more than tried to repair our situation. My sisters having kids and now my bro got one on the way, that has softened her a little, time has a way of mending and smoothing things over...but only YOU know how, what & why you feel the way you do...unless you can communicate it directly to her, she's in the dark too (probably w/ the door closed). I get it. I can say I have been exactly where you are.

    But you only get ONE mother. She gave you birth. Do what you can and deal w/ what you can't. Nothing more or less. You can't force anything and dialogue is a 2-way street.

  3. I hella feel'n ya pain lil ma! I been dere so many times with that weird ass feel'n like something finna pop off, but all you gotta do is keep ya head up high and know it ain't ya call'n!
    Im Bay born , straight outta east oakland! My popz in the entertainment biz, but dat don't mean nothn cause at times we were left struggling. I'm not close to ma momz at all really when i talk to her, itz only for like five mins or less, and i dont live with her.First time i was out the house was at 16,straight drop out.All types of stuff ran through ma mind on how to get dough! I just got outta a dumbazz relationship wit a weak azzn***a! Who i almost had a kid wit, but he was act'n wild on sum disrespect type stuff, so i got ma folx ta shake his shit outta ma spot in uptown fimoe. Come to fuckn find out dude was cheat'n on me for dumbazz months with a broad who had a kid and waz 26! (check it)i'm fuck'n only 18.I was hustl'n 2 jobs working latenights and making dinner on the table.That was the past, but at times i hear old dude in the area and i wana pop his rictor off too.

    what i'm expressing here sometimes you gotta hold your temper and let go of that dumbshit cause it aint worth it. Im someone who is trying to pursue a career in music too, luckily i got rescused by some cool ass folx who saw me going in the wrong direction which was death or jail.Let make on ething clear, a lot of people got the musicgame fucked up, JUSS BECAUSE YOU MIGHT HAVE A PARENT IN THE MUZIC BIZ, DOSESNT MEAN THAT YOUR LIVING THAT NICE LIFESTYLE WITH'UM.

    so shortie all dat noise will die down bout ya boi, and you'll get through the bs. Just know theres plenty of others who going through the same shit or worse..



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