Fuck.

8/11/2009 02:47:00 PMBriana Latrise

I'm really fuckin pissed right now. My entire life ain't been shit. I feel like I wasn't destined to be nothin more than shit. AT ALL. I'm sure BOTH of my parents would beg to differ but where the fuck are they? Where were they? Maybe I feel like I ain't shit because the apple don't fall-

Nevermind.

I'm really fuckin pissed. I swear I spent 23 years trying to get my mother to love me AND SHOW IT!!!! CONSISTENTLY! and trying to get my father to pay attention to me.

I'm guessing my mother's still just a tad bit selfish. She doesn't understand that YOU MUST support your children's dreams or they grow up without any. It's just day to day. It's not all her fault. Her mother told her she wouldn't b shit so the cycle just continued.

And my father probably looks at me and feels I haven't matured at all. Fine. Probably true too...

Then MY ass feels like: You all should feel I have grown. I don't do drugs... EVERYDAY anyway. I have my moments... but they're just moments. And them moments are never paid for, worked for, begged for or often even asked for. They're moments of weakness. You can't knock me for that. Especially considering what I used to be on:

I smoked f*n meth for 5 years everyday! I snorted cocaine, I've smoked it... I've done damn near every proscription pill I ever found that sounded like it might get me high and I've done natural hallucinogens you have probably never heard of... plus some. I've lived everywhere from a gas station to the fucking gutter and didn't give a shit about LIFE. At all. AT ALL! I have a shit load of passions that no one fuckin cared about... ever... Really... I just got fucked sideways in life. The stupid shit is I can't even really complain about it without sounding like a brat cause I wasn't molested by family members, or dropped off in the middle of nowhere (though she might has well have... she did leave me a few places, lol...)....

I see why white kids slit their wrists and shit... lol.

WHAT MORE DOES YOUR CHILD HAVE TO DO TO BEG YOU TO GIVE A FUCK???
Calling your kid whenever they get into trouble does not mean you care. Inviting your kid to your house for the summer and then leaving them with your parents to go on tour does not mean you care. Man... I'm mad. As fuck. I've asked both of YOU PEOPLE (lol) for guidance and the best ya'll can do is say "I don't know" or "we've been having this conversation for years"... then who's really fuckin up? IT CAN'T JUST BE ME! Can't be. Man...

If I killed myself they still wouldn't see me. But at least they wouldn't have to avoid my phone calls anymore.

Fuck it all.

I'm going to the Domican Republic as soon as I can. My aunt said Imma get stuck out there. She OBVIOUSLY does not know that I don't care. I don't have shit anywhere else. No babies, no obligations...

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8 Haterismz & Comments here

  1. don't be so down briana...
    even though i dont know em your parents sound like they dont deserve you...you talented your a great musician from what we(YOUR FANS!)hear here n there...
    your art is amazing waayy better then anything i could do.. n now your acting..n obviously you have grown if 5 years ago you where heavy into hard drugs...
    N DONT WHITE KID YOURSELF...your better than that ... those kids do it cuz no1 cares... n i know theres people who care about you around...you just have to find them

    peace

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  2. Don't worry.. I would get no satisfaction from killing myself... I enjoy food and music and art too much. And someday I plan on having babies so I can raise them into beautiful, confident individuals who hopefully make a change in the world. I appreciate your kind words... they are inspirational. THANK YOU!

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  3. good i dont think no1 would get satisfaction in you killing yourself.... and those are some really enjoyable things you named lol food music n art are >>>____ ...and that good i know your children will grow up to change the world 1 day i believe you will be a very good mom because you know what the traits are of a bad 1...and they will grow up to make a change for better in this world just like their mother ... and your welcome :)

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  4. I hope I'm not coming off insentative...

    pain, trials of life, depression, anger, experience w/the already mentioned.
    Those elements are very powerful with anything dealing with creativity.

    So......in other words, I'm expecting alot from you rather it be music or art. I'mma favor the music though as much as I love art I love music more.

    Any and everything that gets your mind into a zone rather it be negative or positive, that's your ammunition.

    Start shooting shit up....(creativity)

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  5. damn and I thought my life was fucked, not because my mom doesnt show attention but because she is always down my back about things that I know I am stong enough to handle but wtf ever. I am praying that you realize you inner light when you are feeling down continue strong with the thought n mind that one day you can tell everyone to kiss you fucking ass if they can't come correct. I know I can't wait for my turn to escape this bullshyt!!

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  6. Child of God...

    Eventually you are going to have to let all of that pain go. Your parents are human. Perhaps they are selfish. Perhaps they are indifferent. Perhaps they were devastated by your drug use. Perhaps they didnt care about that either.

    But know this...
    You will attract people who carry the same pain.
    You will beckon men who have predatory tendencies because it is inevitable they will smell the scent of sadness on you. Then they will seek to destroy more of you because predators are punks who prey on the weak.

    You are stronger than you know.
    You have the ability to change your life in ways you never thought imaginable. You must train your mind to not think so much about how much your parents care or subconsciously seek out their attention or their approval.
    You have to let go of that anger.

    Purify body, mind, soul. Speak out into the universe only what is for the greater good of all. No more drinking. No more smoking. No more sexing dudes you barely know. No red meat. No high fructose corn syrup. No refined foods. No bread. Purified water. Green tea. Honey. Fresh fruit and vegetables. Whole grains and nuts. Purify.

    And then be still. No music. Hush. In silence you will find peace. In the stillness your soul will restore itself.

    My dear, dear girl. I do not know who you are...I was referred to your blog as the result of an unfortunate event in your young life. I hope you listen to my words...I did not come here to harm you.

    I will visit every day going forward and when I feel compelled to speak, I will. But, should you not want me to speak, I wont.

    In the meantime, you are in my thoughts.

    Sending love your way.

    ReplyDelete
  7. nice blog..check out my blog neeshbfly.blogspot.com and if you like it follow me..thanks

    ReplyDelete
  8. wow I deffinatley feel what you have to say... My father is shit everytime I call him he thinks i'm asking for money on some bull shit. If i try to be nice and say hi he rushes me off the phone so fuck him...No one thinks I can do good because I don't want to work in a office job I'd rather stay in the studio all day...and my grandmother says she doesn't care what I do as long as I get a boyfriend with money wow!! My mother has Bipolar disorder so i can't even speak to her without her talking about some dumb make believe shit... Idk just seem like a whole lot of bullshit comes my way and the one person i can talk to moves away to florida... so why not post it on the internet right?!?! well its the life of an artist you have to live life through your own thoughts and just screw what anyone tells you

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