I shoulda just drove to NY already

9/18/2009 03:57:00 AMBriana Latrise

I think the only reason I haven't killed myself yet is: I'm too scared to. I'm sorry if I don't see better times coming. I only see the now and then. Then wasn't shit and now is even worse. I see where I could have been if I wasn't such a "fuck up" as my father puts it. I'm sorry if I spent a decade numbing feelings and now I don't know how to deal with them without hurting others... Well mainly myself. I'm sorry if I'm uncomfortable in situations I do NOT control... But fuck... Can I trust you to control some shit? Hell no. You haven't been with me these past 23 years. I'm sorry if I'm bratty/bossy/bitchy or seemingly rude. Then again maybe others shouldn't be so fuckin slow. I'm not drunk. I really wish I was. I just quit the punk ass after hours. I made 9 $ so I had to go. I can't deal with these non payin ass situations. Especially when I look up at my sucka ass job and there you are: no more education than myself, but you have everything to keep me comfortable what did u do to get it? Cause I definitely put up with more bullshit than I put out and I'm still homeless, hungry, and sick. People keep tellin me these things will only make me stronger. Bullshit. How so? People my age have cancers and ulcers and things I pray I NEVER experience cause I might not survive seeing as how you need money to cure and treat them things.


Side note::: all my dad told me to do when I was younger was go to school and he'd be rich and then I'd b takin care of. I wanted to go to NYU but I couldn't finish high school. I wanted to be a singer/song writer but I "can't sing". I wanted to be happy. But I refuse to forgive some people. Hunger does not make me work harder... It makes me want to destroy things because the world ain't right.

What the fuck is my purpose? ??? Besides entertaining you and (thanks to faggot ass gossip bloggers and shit talkers) the rest of the world (those who laughed at my pain) with my issues.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

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3 Haterismz & Comments here

  1. no words, just an ear saying "I hear you"....

    ReplyDelete
  2. i got words...
    this is madness...
    dont do it dont attemp...
    attempting and failing is the worse...
    people dont understand why you do it...
    they think your really sick n crazy...
    believe me i know 1st hand...dont do it...
    dont forget your past just dont let it bother you..
    and i know you may be going through alot of problems.. but 8 mos ago i was dead on a park bench wit a bag a bud going through my phonebook... trying to find sum1 i think might let me crash...
    shit just yesterday i had to drive back to indy to take a shower cuz this cracked up apartment aint got a hot water heater..
    just whatever you do dont killyourself im willing to roll with you all day so u wont be alone....ppl care briana.i really care 4 you n have been praying 4 you...
    you will def be hurting more then yourself...
    nd your not a fuck up.. you very successful ,,theres so many routes to get you where you want... just put yourself out there...
    whoever said you cant sing is full of shit..(sorry to whoever they might be to you)
    you sing better then any1 i ever heard...sure you make mistakes n we all do.. but it can get better....
    im bout to make like 350 (ill def western union u like 20-50 if ull accept it i kno its not much but like i said i do care for you)today doing nothin n im still not eating daily n showering daily but thats just what i have to deal with im alone 15/24 hrs i sleep for 4 cuz the area im in next to tracks n then have to deal with ppl who act real n just do it to get in on what i got(i smoke hella weed n ppl love chillin wit me cuz of it).. when they got more money..

    and cancers and ulcers and diseases ...i had\may still have ulcers my sisters had ulcers... n I couldnt afford medication... n she is in ohio...so i just let it be... i hope it healed itself..and cancer is my biggest fear ... and i havent gotten anything checkd out yet but i may have it FML(1st time i went public with either of those situations but if it helps you idc)


    and isnt your dad sum1 famous???...
    shiiit if he is you should DEF call up them gossip mags like YOOOO i got some DIRT WHERES THE CASH... like seriously if you know ppl whos got ALOT more n dont want to help you DONT hesitate to make what you can off of them..

    but do what you can you rlly have me a bit scared feeling like i need to be on the next flight to LA just so you dont do nothin crazy or be lonely ... or if you drive to ny stop in da city n ill go wit u or give u sum $ for gas n food n what not....wont be much but ill split it wit u.. n ill def be able to give u like a quarter of chis finest :)))) LOL
    but seriously if you feel that bad.. i will def do what i can for you not to feel bad...
    just keep living if you truly need a reason the reason will be so that Chris wont off himself to...cuz as soon as i see on MTO "Upcoming Grammy Award Winner Briana Latrise Found Dead(Details Inside)"im grabbin the FULL bottle of ambien n im gon see you... forget failing this time the scars still aint go away.. so now you HAVE some reason not to kill yourself but as i remember a great person once told me

    "@chrisdotrivera but it always gets better. Even if u don't see it during the ruff times. That's what I have trouble remembering."

    EXACTLY...

    ummm i try to be positive cuz it brings positivity i told you... this message may not be positive but anything i said i mean(even the part of going to ny so ur never lonely)... n if u want hold me up to anything i said in there ... ill def come through for you

    JUST DONT HURT YOURSELF










    i care call me crazy
    be safe ..ima be gone all day ..
    just call me if u feel lonely to the extent of where u cant be around sharp objex email me 4 the # ill get tha email from my phone...
    just have a good day n be happy n i am praying for you...

    AND I KNOW I REALLY NEED TO STOP WITH THE LONG ASS MESSAGES...lol


    **its peaceful plays in the background"

    ReplyDelete
  3. WOW really long message didnt realize that...
    but see u bring out the most in ppl

    ReplyDelete

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