Love...

11/16/2009 01:25:00 PMBriana Latrise

I'm definitely enjoying my solitude. I missed being alone. I can walk around, paint and sleep naked again. Free.

What a beautiful blessing.

Life is a beautiful blessing.

I know I complain a lot. Probably more than the average person. Often more than those with less than I. There's no excuse. That's just they way I am.

So anyway, I'm sitting in my kitchen on the floor. Leaned up against the cabinet under my sink crying. I wanna know how a person just stops loving their seed. I'm not perfect. Never was, never intended to be. Yet and still as imperfect as my bio parents are I love them unconditionally. So, why is it not returned?

Money's funny. It does crazy things to relationships, egos, and everything else. What's sad is: I keep thinking if I just get rich, I can take care of my mom and my brother. Then maybe, if I'm rich my dad and I will have enough in common that we could sit in the same room without uncomfortable silence. And I won't feel so worthless/unwanted around him. Maybe...

Maybe if I was rich I'd feel the love they say is there but I ain't found in all my 23 years. Maybe I'd love me enough to not give a fuck about them... Idk. Smh.

My chest hurts so bad. So bad! I don't even think it's the cigarettes. It's just pain. Solitude forces you to pay attention to all the aches and pains. However, once you recognize them, in your solitude you can work on making them disappear as opposed to suppressing them.

This could be a beautiful thing. Maybe I'm growing.

Growing pains.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

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2 Haterismz & Comments here

  1. *sigh*
    I really wish you and your parents rekindle y'all relationship.
    Hi Briana, I've been lurking on your blog for a while and I always feel your pain, my parents and I aren't on the same level either, I wish for both of us to feel that love that we long for, until then keep ya head up girlie, and continue to stay strong, I mean afterall, you've been surviving all this time... =)

    ReplyDelete
  2. "It's just pain. Solitude forces you to pay attention to all the aches and pains. However, once you recognize them, in your solitude you can work on making them disappear as opposed to suppressing them. "

    so true Briana!!...

    and just know your NOT unwanted or worthless ...

    and you don't need too be rich...

    just keep living....

    i'm sure both of your parents love you...

    they may not show it due to their egos, or possessions....

    but when its all said and done...

    you're all they got... and deep down they're proud...

    and being rich wouldnt fix problems..
    itd bring more....

    _____

    and you def need to get your chest checkd out..
    i dont want it being your heart...
    and you having a stroke...
    the world needs you..

    (and im still here!.. next time you find yourself next to the sink crying.. email me... we can try to figure out the base of your pain and how to fix it!.. )

    ReplyDelete

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