What a day...

1/12/2010 12:14:00 AMBriana Latrise

I can't sleep. My heart hurts and I feel like I wanna throw up. Damn... Y is emotional distress so much worse than physical pain?

He told me he was thinking about getting a girlfriend. Why would you tell me that? Me???? I've been infatuated with you for years now and you know this! So why tell me ur interested in someone else? I guess I should appreciate the heads up. And... I'm pretty sure I'm selfish. Hell, I started dating Charles just at random with no heads up. So, I guess this is fair. However, I still feel terrible. Especially since he's told me on several occasions to stop drinking, stop smoking, stop partying so much and I can't seem to... So he feel's I'll never calm down. He doesn't want a girl like me.

I'm going f*n crazy because I was content with our friendship. I figured distance was our biggest issue besides my party habits. But he's like a drug anyway so when I see him, speak to him, etc I need no partying. He is the party. I was content because I believed he wasn't into having girlfriends. Hell, he's literally had only a couple in LIFE.

Now I'm scared. I figured, like a dumbass, that by the time he was ready for a gf, I'd be ready to calm down. That shit sounds insane right now and I feel so fuckin stupid. So stupid. & nieve and VULNERABLE. I don't like to feel vulnerable.


Why do I feel so stupid?????


I'm seriously scared. He's actually one of the best friends I have. If he starts dating someone, I'll probably lose him. It happens like that. He's low key my muse too. Most of the songs, poems, and overly lame free writes I write are about or inspired by him. What the FUCK? Lol. I'm so fucked up I can't even describe how I feel properly. Smh...

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

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