Jesus... Tell him:

3/29/2010 11:53:00 AMBriana Latrise

I know I need to stop judging others... but this bitterness is taking over. I've never been more angry in my life. It just festers in my soul bit by bit and evolves into pain over time. The pain feels like... like... like my heart is missing a vital artery or something. Then again... maybe I'm just hungry. Food...??? I just don't know what I need anymore. I knew what I wanted... but now that I see the man you've become... I don't know why I care for you at all. You obviously don't love me in the way I need to be loved. The way that I feel I should be loved.
Then, I try to vent... I paint, I write, etc... it's never enough. I still subconsciously require your approval, your adoration...
I just don't understand what I could have EVER done to deserve the absence, the dismissal, and the disapproval. All these damn disses from you... it makes sense to me now that I'm more than slightly DIS-functional, DIS-eased, and DIS-sheveled... smh.

I write to you from time to time. I reach out. I paint for you. You just don't care. I promise you... the only tears I cry... they're all for you. I wish I didn't know you. Then maybe you'd still be a God to me.

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2 Haterismz & Comments here

  1. Hmmm....This sounds all too familiar. The realization that he just doesn't give a dang. But this is good. Once you realize it, you can begin to move on. And the crazy part is, while you cry and vacillate, he is still over there not giving a damn! Men...smh they are so horrible and so wonderful at the same time. But at least you know that you can feel. At least you know that you can love. This time, you loved someone who for whatever reason, could not return the love. So as the tears dry, and the pain gets better, know that if he could not receive your love then he didnt deserve it. I know how it feels. This blog was my life about 2 months ago. Hope you feel better.


    ~Cam

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  2. Even though the last few lines weren't really the main focus, they stood out to me. Beautiful. Poetry.

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