In My Inbox Today:

6/03/2010 02:26:00 PMBriana Latrise

I received this email a few seconds ago and I wanted to share it with everyone:::

"Hey Briana!!

I just needed someone to vent to who won't be biased & judgemental yet empathize with my situation..I am facing the biggest storm of my life & don't know if I'm coming or going..I have lived on my own since 19 and working since 14, never asked anyone for anything nor needed handouts yet I always been the backbone to the few "friends" and fam I do have. Now I lost my job (while still in school) 1 mo behind in rent and have absolutely no1 2 turn to..this is the worst feeling because I question god when I know I shouldn't but really..what is my purpose in life?? This question then makes me question if I did the right thing by having two abortions which sets HEAVY on my heart everyday of my life!! Do u ever think about ur child?? Just curious..maybe that was my purpose and each time god blessed me I slapped him in the face cuz I had other plans..The man I was with for 11 years betrayed me, found out last year he had a bay..wtf?! Sometimes I wonder should I go back to the one I
know has my back and genuinely loves me even after what he did..Men..another issue are they all the same? Haven't found one worthy since him..have I set my expectations to high? Is there such a thing?? I really just wanna pick up with what lil I have and move where no1 knows me & start a new life but, is the grass any greener? Sorry to bring this on u but somehow I feel a burden being lifted!! Behind the fake smiles and rehearsed lines, I am a shell of my usual self and don't know what to do..Any advice or words of inspiration is appreciated..When did things finally turn around for you? Is life better in LA? *tears* Sometimes I just wanna end it all..FML!!! Literally..Thanx for listenin!! Hope 2 hear back from u soon..."

-ANONYMOUS (in order to respect her privacy)

My Love,
2 pregnancies myself that never made it... I cannot and will not lie to you. They used to tear me up inside. More so the first one. I was 17 and scared out of my mind. I was strung out on methamphetamine, cocaine and alcohol and I could have had a beautiful baby boy buy I did not. I used to dream about him some nights and to this day I often wonder if he's watching me and what he thinks of his mommy and if I made the right choice. It used to make me cry and I used to get upset and take my anger out on everything else... but these days I just look at how I'm living and tell myself that God knows.

God knows what you're going to do before you even do it because he made you. That is what I believe anyway. I feel you on feeling like you've slapped him in the face. I feel that way too. However, if we dwell on the past, how are we ever to move forward. It is hard! It is sooooo hard! You can look at my blog entries and my twitters and see that it is definitely hard when you go it alone but you don't have to. When times get rough, that is the time you lean on the Lord. It's all just a test or your faith.

I mean, sure we could end it all, but what good does that do the future. Simply because we do not know our purpose, that does not mean that we don't have one. For all you know, you are fulfilling your purpose at this very moment. Example: take a look at the way God made us and the world. Every little piece of it is necessary. Without bees, we lose flowers and plant life which effects everything. Tell me what survives without vegetation? Anyway...

I also want to tell you that the grass IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHERSIDE... So sure, you could pick up and move... and then what? Your problems follow you where ever you go my Love. You have no idea: I lived in Idaho (went by another name... she was a criminal though so we gon keep that one quiet... lol) I lived in Nebraska, I lived in that bay area, Miami, NY, New Jersey, Arizona... and nothing important was every any different... just most of the faces and foods... lol. You ever heard them say you gotta conquer where you're from before anywhere else? I think we need to conquer ourselves and then we can have EVERYTHING else. Get me?

Stay up love. The second you start thinking more positive thoughts and fighting off those negative thoughts, and forgetting that you FEEL like crying... thats the second things start to change. When you stop looking for a man and focus on getting you straight without one... that's the second the one you didn't think existed shows up. And yes, they're all for the most part the same: very primal creatures... and far more emotional and often more impressionable than we... but you gotta love them anyway. All you can do in this life is care for you until you do give birth. Then its you, your spouse and your babies.

Seriously though girl. The second I said fuck everything and everyone I'm gon get my hustle on... all kinda shit started to change. I got a new job (that i hate but that's cause I got my own issues with being tied down to stuff... I like to roam streets... since a child... but I love that I have the stability... get me?), I got a new man (he's still new so... you know... everything is gravy right now but it's early and the D is amazing so give it a few months...lol), I got a new laptop after my last one was damaged in the fire that took out my crib and camera equipment... and a much better one... life is like a roller coaster... it can make you nauseous sometimes... but you can't get off til the ride is over. If you do... it's suicide... literally... Like I said... just do for you. Put you first!!!!! And always tell yourself that you will be fine. It gets irritating and tough and annoying and rough and had and all that other crap... but God don't give you NOTHING you can't handle! you'll be fine!

God Bless You my Love.
-Briana Latrise Isaacs
a.k.a. Tuesday's Heart.

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6 Haterismz & Comments here

  1. Thanks for sharing, the advice you gave the young woman was very heartfelt and also inspiring.

    I too am going through some tough things right now. But after reading your advice to her, it made me realize that I shouldn't give up and I just need to keep on keeping on.

    :)

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  2. Shadé, that's a beautiful thing. Now I'm feeling like my whole purpose in life is to struggle so I can keep people like you going... lol. (Joking...)

    Take care.

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  5. You know, strangely that is sort of true lol. But nah I guess when you see someone break through their problems it gives you hope.

    Thanks again for sharing.r

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  6. NO PROBLEM! Just remember that it never ends. Everyday is work when ur doing u right. U know? People should always grow... so don't forget the hard times when they get good... just remember how to prevent them as best you can.

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