Friday, May 31, 2013
Amazing things are happening, Thank You Jesus! (He's my big homie. He understands my humor... probably doesn't like it tho... but one day at a time on the road to progress.) I need a new car so I can get back to Bible Study. My church is the TRUTH!!!!! (Works for me.) I like churches where my Pastor is comfortable in sweat pants and he doesn't sugar coat things while telling me the truth about me. I want to be mad at him... but I also want him to be young enough for me to relate to and understand, yet old enough and wise enough to KNOW what he's talking about. If someone's going to be speaking to me, about me on a regular basis... that's what I look for. Finding a good church with a good Pastor is like choosing which hospital to give birth at and picking a doctor to deliver your baby. Believe me... I DO ALL SORTS OF RESEARCH ON THESE HOSPITALS... tours and all. My doctor is a winner... did my little yelp search on her... went to see her... I love her. She ain't the warmest, friendliest lady in the world... but she reminds me of an older, far more educated version of myself. I find her sarcasm comforting...lol. But see!!! That ain't for everybody... so before you jump into something... do the research. Wish I had taken that advice before I thought I was about to marry my baby's sperm donor. Lol... but you can't win them all. Truth be told... I'm glad he's not around. Children can FEEL when you don't want them, or when you consider them a burden. TRUST ME... so I'd rather not have him involved if he choses not to be. Frankly, he doesn't deserve to be. No matter what happened between us, that has nothing to do with our son... No matter what was said, thrown, disliked, unappreciated... Seven didn't do it... and he shouldn't have to pay for it. No matter... He'll be fine. I also have this sick, deep routed feeling that this bastard will show up at the last minute, ready to claim his blessing... smh... it aint gonna work like that tho hun. I will never keep you from seeing your baby... but there are now rules and stipulations. You will not be in and out of his life... you will pay child support, on time... you WILL call him EVERY week, if not every day... from birth til he decides he doesn't want to talk to you anymore... you WILL be there for his graduations, his school dances, to give him fatherly advice, to explain matters of life from your perspective or just BEFUCKINGCAUSE!!! Even if you do it all through video chat. I don;'t give a damn... it's 2013... you can video chat from your iPhone... you have no excuses... maybe I'm extreme... but if you fail to do so... you can fuck off. For real... cause there are far better men in my life who WANT to be a proper father to this child. Hell... my ex boyfriend takes me to the doctor... and he's just doing that cause our friendship is REAL. He's not trying to get back with me or anything... Truth: he's got a way flyer chick now... (lol. smh... I shouldn't have let him go.) Moving on... I really wanted to say that the masses are stupid. No way around it. They thrive on negativity and nonsense. I LOVE how whenever I'm in the media... it's to shine light on something ugly... or to make something ugly out of something misunderstood. I never get any recognition for the good things... just like everyone else. Mary J. Blige raises millions of dollars for charity but I NEVER see that in the news. EVER! I only hear bullshit, exaggerated rumors, and f*n lies!!! LIES THOUGH!!! People are cruel and disgusting. I'm not perfect... and I talk a lot of shit!!! But I never lie on anybody... I don't know why that's so offensive to me... but it is. I guess cause truths are already ugly enough... lol... and everybody had their truths... some just hide behind lies... oh. I don't give a damn what anyone says tho... I'm a very expressive person. When I can't express myself in constructive ways that release my stress and worries and frustrations... I explode. Literally. And that's how the twitter incident happened. But they lied... I'm not mad at my dad for not taking care of me. The dude did PLENTY and DOES plenty for me financially over the years. I needed a better paying gig in NY so he made a single phone call and set up an interview. I wanted to work at Interscope years ago... so he set up an Internship... (I fucked that up tho... I didn't understand what an internship actually was... and I was NOT ready for that... by any means...) My dad's name was only mentioned during that rant because years ago... he told me that as smart as I am... as talented as I am... and as outgoing as I am... I would never have a problem having anything I want if I just finish school. (I have discipline and procrastination issues.) I believe he was right... what I didn't know... was that the government doesn't give a DAMN about you going to school and trying to make something of yourself. They give benefits to section 8 holders who do NOTHING. Who want NOTHING. Don't get me wrong... there are plenty of people who just need a little assistance from time to time (duh... like myself... cause shit gets rough) but the vast majority of the people I see, in my neighborhood... stay home all day and collect. I just don't think it's fair that BECAUSE I WORK and I'm in school... I'm last on the list to get some kind of assistance. However, since my rant... found out that because I'm pregnant... I get bumped to the top of the list. I'm not gonna quit school... you all can just shove that bullshit where it came from. lol... My job is great... they're helping me tremendously! I work with a bunch of really really great people... doing something I love... that works with my school schedule. I can't really ask for more right now... except maybe a second one just like it. lol. But to all the haters... I would love for you to know ALL the details you missed before you passed judgments an what not... but frankly... you don't deserve them. So... I will now get back to my art, my studies and great things I have ahead of me. Sorry your lives are so boring and pitiful. I have too much damn fun with mine to be reading about some negative shit someone else may or may not be going through. I hope you get it together.
@ 10:07 AM