featured Opinion

Church and the 'Good' Men.

6/26/2015 09:03:00 PMBriana Latrise

CHURCH... 

 Specifically the Christian Church. 



I've been finding it progressively difficult to date Christians, and even more difficult to attend their churches. SMH. I tried once [to date a Christian]. I tried, oh so hard to be "good". I was definitely faithful in our relationship which is usually quite difficult for me. I get easily distracted by shiny objects, or in this case, pheromones. Then, I give in to my animalistic urges, take a new lover, but I tell whoever I cheated on about it as I leave them. At least I leave! Right? 


....

No?


Ok well...
With this one, we'll call him "Dufus", I was "good". Faithful. Loyal. Loving. Affectionate. Submissive. SUB-FUCKING-MISSIVE! That's NEVER been my thing. Ever. Smh. For him though: I would wake up at 4am to make sure he was up and getting ready for work, I'd make his lunch, bake him fresh cookies to snack on and share [because he loved to brag to his work cronies about how good he had it at home]. When he returned from work, his protein shake was ready and his house clean, so all he had to do was grab it go since he supposedly hit the gym every single day after work. For hours. Once he returned from the "gym", he'd shower and play video games while I made dinner. (In hindsight, I fell into domestication so easily it's actually scary. I guess deep down, I want structure. I think...) when it comes to Dufus, I thought God had placed him in my life to show me what a real Christian man is supposed to be like. What a real relationship was supposed to be like. Until him, it was all sex, drugs, and traps. I thought we were supposed to be something more than what it actually was. (i'm lame for that.)

One day, he calls to tell me that our weekly date night plans are cancelled because he's meeting an old "home girl" who's in town from San Diego or somefuckingwhere for dinner. *blank stare* Mmmmk. He tells me not to worry though because her boyfriend will be there. So... *blank strare* "why can't I go?", I asked rhetorically. To which he replies, "why?".... Um, ok. I'm no dummy, [I do dumb shit, but only 'cause I like doing hood rat things with my friends sometimes but] I fell off no turnip truck this day, yesterday or any fucking day and I can add, Bitch. 1+1 never made 11 in real life. But yea... 

So my new "Christian" lifestyle had me picking and choosing my battles, so I said nothing. I went on about my day. Mind you: My days were boring as fuck! No booze, no weed, no friends. Just me and paint. Which is cool, but I feed off of my good people's energies [and arresting music... or, just living life the way I love it] when I'm in my paint zone. Alas, I had no friends because most of them are males and that didn't sit well with Dufus. Most likely because he fucks all of his female friends , so how could he trust me alone with someone of the opposite sex, but that's neither here nor there. I was pissed. He's lying, he's cheating and I can't prove it yet AND... I have no "party favors" cause I'm being, "GOOD".  *insert screw face here*

For the record: I'm far more into mind sex, food porn and the intricacies of whomever's company i'm in than have intercourse. It feels good when I lust you, but I might fuck around and have a baby. Which doesn't feel good most days. It feels tiring... (we'll get to that story later.)

A few weeks later [maybe even days, I don't know, I think I often drink memories into suppositious folklore], he has the audacity to cancel our date night again because he "forgot" that before we became an item, and before he moved me into his home, before ALL of that... he promised a female friend that he would be her escort to her college graduation party??? Fuck me. I spazzed. I had to. Because even if he did genuinely forget the promise he made to her, he only gave me 45 minutes notice. He's full of shit. He remembered to rent a tuxedo, polish his shoes, and wash his ass before he remembered to tell his girlfriend!? Few weeks later, I suddenly wasn't his girlfriend. Because I went to New York. ON BUSINESS! Met up with some homies and partied like old times. He saw some footage he didn't like. So now, we just live in the same studio apartment playing house but he has all right to do whatever the fuck he wants... like come home with a hickie on his neck after "passing out" at his best friend's house one night. He was "too drunk" with all 6 feet and 3 inches of his 220 pound lying ass to fight off a horny female. I left him. I went into a deep depression for 2 weeks. Then I got back on my old
horse cause I know that bitch real well. No surprises with her: party party party, get money, party more, get more money, pass out somewhere, wake up and wonder what happened to the week. Called my dad and told him I needed rehab so he sent me to Jersey to visit my [grand]PARENTS. I decided to stay for good. Had no where else to go anyway. [This eventually let to the human puppy I made, Seven. His name is Seven. That's another story tho.]

So as I said, I tried once, and he cheated AND burned me. Womp, womp. 

I moved on and decided to take all the positives out of our relationship and appreciate them. The positives like: he DID help me pay for culinary school, [for the few weeks I attended], I sure did hear a lot of awesome stories from the Bible in those Bible Study classes he conned me into, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, at least it was a curable STI. See! Positives

He was a pastor's son, real good at pretending he was a good man on the right path... on the right track. He was FUCKING EXCELLENT at making me feel like the shitty little degenerate he thought I was. Constantly nagging about my smoking cigarettes and weed, my drinking, my living situation [the only female in a house full of men] before he moved me into his shoebox apartment in South Bumblefuck, the way I curse, the way I think, the way I hustle, EVERYTHING! Just judging me all the time and using the Bible to explain why everything I was doing was so wrong. Yet, he smoked cheap ass cigars, drank whenever he felt like it, slutted around town unprotected and lied all the time.  His MOM even lied for him! Still makes no sense to me. He refused to admit that he burned me too. Whatever, Hypocrite. 


For the record: Those men I lived with, have always looked out for me, never hurt me, never stolen from me, never bad mouthed me, never turned their backs on me. They took care of me even when they should have given up on me. When everyone else gave up, they were there. Without judgment. S/O #TMIMITW GANG! More than friends, they are my brothers. All of them.


 I tried to date another Christian recently, and this may have been the absolute
most ephemeral hard on I've ever had for someone. I just can't comprehend [with what I think I DO know of Christianity and it's principles/RULES/restrictions] how you can be in Bible Study one minute, fornicating with me the next minute, getting drunk and high on Saturday night, back in church on Sunday, Monday in my bed, like... I just don't get it. Why subscribe? You're clearly not all in. I'm just saying. The more I lean towards NO RELIGION at all, the harder it is to be with or even around certain people with certain beliefs. Not knocking what anyone believes [shit, I believe in extraterrestrials] but don't put your beliefs on me. I do not have to subscribe to YOUR rules, or YOUR truths. It just seems hypocritical to me for you [Mr. Bible Thumper] to tell me [The Free Spirit] how to live my life according to what a book told you. A book. A BOOK. In fact, most of the Christians I know don't really practice what they preach at me. 

For the record: There are some really great chunks of guidance in THAT book on how to live. I also feel that way about several other books. I''m just saying that I don't/won't trust anything in its entirety. Especially something that can be used for evil just as well if not better than it can be used for good. What do I mean? Um... Slavery, 'Merica, etc.

Personally, I trust in me. Technically, if God is in me... and I trust me... I have faith. No? I trust the Universe. I trust that everything is everything and we make choices and shit happens and the world spins and it's all LOVE. Love is God, right? ---> [1 John 4:7,8]   

So... I don't really know what my religion is. If all of the religions [with the acceptation of this Satanism thing that I know nothing about] had a baby, and that baby grew up and mated with a celestial entity, and that baby mated with music... I lost myself for a second, but my point is that I'm not subscribing to shit. I don't even want to label what this is that I'm about but for now, let's just call it "living". I am living. I'm trying to figure it out, like the rest of you who care to. New religion: LIVING. lol.

Love. Wisdom. Truth.

The three strokes in this symbol represent three shafts of light. They can represent earth, sea and air; body, mind and spirit; love, wisdom and truth. Three separate parts that all work in together. 
Awen is the wisdom, truth and most of all the inspiration, Awen is Nature, the universal power behind life, yet it is never born and shall never die. Awen is a force or energy forged from an indivisible source that is the power behind the physical and non-physical or spirit forms Existence, and distinction between the natural and the super-natural becomes meaningless, as both are the personification of Awen Every link which is a part of nature, be it a man, animal, plant or elemental force, each holds its own little piece and together make up the whole chain which is Awen. Awen is the spirit of Druid itself, it is knowing, sensing and feeling it in your essence and true being, it is the freedom to accept ones nature.

For the record: I know that I have poor taste in men in general. #FACTS so... For now, just know that while I'm not against dating religious people, I'm probably not going to. I'd rather just "do me" till I figure out what it is I'm actually "doing".


...yeah...



-Briana Latrise

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6 Haterismz & Comments here

  1. I love that I'm an open book. I don't plan on changing.


    :)

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  2. I could literally here these words coming out your mouth as if we were having a convo. You know I can definitely relate. If you go to my IG the link for my blog is in my bio. You should check it out. Love you

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. *edited*

    i had to comment on this because it kinda pertains to me

    i am a black christian male.. i am still learning and therefore not perfect but i try to not be a hypocrite like in a legit way.. i don't drink or smoke or fornicate or watch porn.. i try to keep myself in check, i try to forgive peeps.. and i try to approach people who have done me wrong on some "its a new day" type ish ..i am trying to get my language in check more also

    i agree that most christians are hypocritical because they tell others not to do things that they are doing, however hypocrites have nothing to do with God or our walk with God or the validity of the Bible.. people are warped, God and His Word are not

    hypocrites are everywhere.. like the other day a girl said to me "don't make fun of me for smoking" and i said "i can't because i'm addicted to coffee" i could've just taken it as an opportunity to diss her bad habit- but we have to look at ourselves with open eyes and really see who we are.. the truth is i have an addiction just like she does

    maybe in ur situation u were there to minister to them as opposed to the other way around.. and show them their hypocrisy so they can wake up and choose.. u seem to be saying "i know i'm wrong" to some extent which i think is wise for all of us.. but they appear to have a false sense of security when it comes to their standing with the Lord

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  6. Hun, everyone that goes to church, is not a Christian. Some of them don't even know the basic tenets of the faith. Yet, you have to be careful going out with church boys, especially preachers and preachers sons, because they often believe that they need to go out and "have their fun" while they're young, and they divide young women into "wife" material and "harlot", you may be a great girl, but if you don't seem as if you'd fit into their church ambitions as a church wife, they will use you and throw you to the side, when the next girl comes along.

    I hope you're doing ok...I've watched your videos and read your blog and I'm concerned. I see some of me in you.

    ReplyDelete

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